America Sarah

America Sarah likes to start her mornings with a nonfat no whip double shot latte from Starbucks.
Cameroon Sarah likes to start her mornings with a spaghetti omelette sandwich dunked in ketchup.

America Sarah pampers herself with brazilian waxes, massages and mani-pedis.
Cameroon Sarah pampers herself by letting small children rip her hair out of her head under the facade of cornrows and by letting teenage girls doodle on her legs and feet with black hair dye.

America Sarah is a firm believer in the power of retail therapy and an avid chaser of shopping highs.
Cameroon Sarah is a firm believer in Up-for-Grabs* and an avid bar shopper**.

America Sarah loves texting, tweeting, instagramming and checking in on foursquare on her iPhone, which is an extension of her right hand.
Cameroon Sarah wishes her drug phone had T9.

America Sarah can put away a sashimi appetizer and two sushi rolls no problem.
Cameroon Sarah can put away a giant plate of intestines in oil sauce no problem.

America Sarah dranks vodka sodas with a splash of cran and a twist of lime.
Cameroon Sarah dranks plastic baggies of debatably potable alcohol. SACHETS TO THE FACE!

America Sarah loves her DVR and Charlie's Netflix account.
Cameroon Sarah has seen a lot of weird DVDs because that's all she can get her paws on in the travel houses to play on her janky old school portable DVD player.

America Sarah wallows in her hangover with chinese delivery and Law and Order: SVU.
Cameroon Sarah wallows in her hangover with oily red beans with mayonnaise and fried beignets and Trace (ballinous French music video channel).

America Sarah wears Vera Wang Princess perfume and lotion.
Cameroon Sarah masks her stench in prescription strength deodorant and the anonymity of being in a country full of B.O.

America Sarah sweats it out in spin class and on the treadmill with a personal TV and her iPod blasting jams.
Cameroon Sarah sweats it out to Jillian Michaels in her living room and goes on long runs in village, hoping to God that this time she won't be chased by dogs or small children.

America Sarah rocks skinny jeans, boots and little black dresses with stilettos.
Cameroon Sarah rocks full pagne ensembles (wrap skirt, top, headwrap all in matching printed fabric), cabas and [bomb ass] pagne overalls.

America Sarah showers with a socially acceptable frequency, and enjoys a nice long soak in her clawfoot bathtub with jasmine scented bath salts and exfoliating scrubs from time to time.
Cameroon Sarah bucket bathes*** as infrequently as she sees possible and has no white people around to tell her otherwise.

America Sarah likes a sultry smoky eye or a bright red lip on her face.
Cameroon Sarah likes it when her sunscreen doesn't melt off of her face in slimy streaks.

America Sarah pees in toilets.
Cameroon Sarah pees in latrines, holes, sinks, egg-shaped porcelain fixtures, behind houses, behind trees, in thickly weeded areas, on the side of the road in open fields, down shower drains, in bucket-flush toilets and from time to time in an actual flushing toilet.

peace love and AMERICUHHHH FUCK YEAH

*Up-for-Grabs is "one man's trash is another man's treasure" personified. We have boxes in all of our regional travel houses filled with clothes that volunteers no longer want for other volunteers to take.
**Bar shopping is my favorite Cameroonian pastime; whilst sitting at a bar, a series of vendors walk past you with various items for sale. If you think you may be interested in a vendor's products, you get his attention by hissing at him, and then he will come and show you his goods. It's like shopping, but you don't have to move and you get to drink forties of beer while you do it. Swag.
***A bucket bath is when I hoist my 25-gallon water container (with the strength of a thousand raging hulks) and pour myself a nice cold bucket o water, and then use a cup as a vehicle to get the water from the bucket onto my filthy body. #sofreshandsocleanclean